Thanks. Found your response helpful and reassuring. Now she (my partner) has said it's ok if I come along. I don't know what to do. Whatever I do, I will really try and keep my mind off of it. My baseline feeling is just always to feel like things are my fault and I need to stop causing problems. But your and your wife's relationship sounds very healthy when you say "we both have our quirks and it's just a bit of give and take." I am hoping (fingers crossed) that we are moving in that direction. I think we are. I just need to believe that I can need what I need and she can need what she needs; nobody's right and nobody's wrong. I am trying.