Hi, I am new here. I really wanted to find those who can identify with how I feel and what I am going through. My family does not understand. They simply just dont get it. I tell them it is a medical conditon.. they just look as if they want to tell me NO it is not..but they say nothing because they know that I will fight back on the issue.

I applied for disablilty on panic disorder, when ssi sent me for an evaluation with a physciartrics she diagnosed me with major deppression and phobia to leave home.

I want to list some of my symptom and just want someone to tell me if they can identify. I am tired of feeling alone. so let me list "some" of the things I go though.

I rather sleep than do anything else, I find myself hiding that fact that I sleep so much or excues as I am sick or have a headache or my medication makes me sleepy. I sleep all day. When I am not asleep I wish that I was.

I often wake up with knots in my stomach, nervous.. I am sure that somthing bad will happen through the day.

I often do not even feel like doing my hair and makeup,

I feel SO much better at night after the world is not so busy, no phone calls to worry about, no going out for erronds, just me and the tv.

I sometime just cry for a few days.. I look at even the good things in life such as my kids and get worried that what if somthing happens to them. I remember when they were babies and wonder where time went.

I do not like to run erronds, I make a list and then cross out what I can put off untill later in the week.. it is to the point I put off what I can do till later in the month.

The only time I am really happy is with my kids, we joke, we sing, laugh, do normal things around the house.

I feel like a loser when compared to other people.

I have issues from childhood.. they flashback to me and bring tears to my eyes.

I know that this maybe a long post.. but I know that I have had panic attacks for years, I recently 2 years ago developed a seizure disorder, and a sleep disorder. I knew I get a little blue now and then but it has escalated out of control.. good and bad days.. more bad. I have to force myself to participate in life.

When I went to the dr they sent me to for ssi/disability I was amazed that she told me major depression and that I need help. She told me that my family will not help me, not even to discuss with them that it makes it worse.. I was crying throught the whole thing..

my question is also... how can a person get help . how can feelings way deep in my mind and soul be erased. I am on zoloft, xananx, lamictal and the best one is xanax.. it takes my worries away for the time being. 2 mg x 3 a day.. high dosage.

can anyone identify with any of these symptoms. thank you in advance for any support. sorry for the mispellings.