I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, Peaches. I know how much you wish your relationship with both of your parents had been different. Did you ever do what Sunrise suggested, to directly tell your Mom how you felt? I wonder what the outcome of a conversation like that would be.

I agree that you need to grieve the loss of the mother you wished you had, and also grieve for what your T can never be. I remember when I finally accepted that my T could not be my mother. It hurt incredibly.

I wish you didn't have to look at the email situation as black or white. Sometimes an email from your T helps you, though often it's triggering and you send another, and then you get triggered or upset by your T's response or lack of response. That's how it was with my phone calls to my T. But sometimes I knew a phone call would help. I just had to lower my expectations.

Does your T think it's best for you to stop emailing her? What does she suggest you do? I will support you in whatever you decide. I hope you can get some peace with this issue, and with your grief about your parents. Maybe this email discussion and how it relates to your parents is going to help with your healing.