Hi romanjames! So glad you posted -- I'd been wondering how you had been doing especially knowing that you had some hard things to deal with recently. Good to see you!

On this particular topic... I can relate quite a bit. I've definitely set some "no way, no how" points. Most recently I was focused on 46, and definitely no 50. I'm 47, so made it past one anyway... Something good happened and I want to see where it goes (which coincided with meds that have helped a lot). Can't say I feel old though. I'm always mistaken for much younger than I am and can totally not relate to that numerical reality, you know? Then again, I have about no sense of time whatsoever, so... no wonder the confusion. I don't have so much, as you say, a fear of "changing who I am", because I'm the only one in charge of that -- so even if I can't relate very well to others in my "age catagory", I'm still who I am regardless of how *they* think *they* are "supposed" to be. Does that make any sense? Fear of aging is something else altogether. I have that BIG TIME. I keep trying though and focusing on the other as my reality. Which I suppose is like the saying "only as old as you feel". Still, actual physical degradation terrifies me and I still don't know how that will play into all of it. But I do have a very cold attitude and that will likely be where my boundaries meet their limit. I know that sounds horrible, but there you have it. It's the truth.

But you are very very far from that realm. Try to focus on how you want to be regardless of what others *think* you should be and it will very likely take you farther than you imagine.