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Actually what I meant, what specifically bothers you about the relationship?
Some people think that their partner in a relationship needs to treat them poorly before they respect them. I don’t know if this applies to you or not.
In Post #1 – It sounds like living at home is a bad thing. I understand that some people need to leave the nest as soon as possible. I certainly did. I left my home, family, and even my country. But what I learned in my 10+ years out in the “real” world is that family is important. My husband and I work very hard to make our home someplace our adult children want to be. Neither of us particularly enjoy visiting our parents and never want our children to feel visiting us is an obligation.
It also sounds like you don’t feel that he’s ambitious enough. I completely understand that being a turn-off. Although I do take a bit of exception to “all he does is work as a cook at a restaurant”. It’s an honest job, there’s no shame in working an honest job. Does he know you feel that way?
I think it’s very sweet that he comes to work to walk you home when he’s off. I’m perfectly capable of driving myself to work, but my husband enjoys driving me to work when he’s off. He also comes to visit me on my lunch break. Not because he’s afraid someone is going to steal me away, but because he loves me and wants to spend time with me.
Does this man attempt to prevent you from speaking to other men?
In Post # 4 – You appear to allude to him being dependent upon you, and that you want to teach him to be independent.
You want to be in love with someone, but chemistry is a big part of love and you either have it or you don’t.
In Post # 5 – Does the statement “I think that’s why I choose people who are not up to my standards” mean he’s somehow beneath you?
In Post #6 – You clarify that he is not in fact dependent upon you. This is the only post that appears to reflect him in a positive light.
In Post #12 – I don’t know why you would find the penny thing “creepy”. My husband’s grandfather gave him a wallet for his 13th birthday. He carries it to this day, it’s very battered and he’s been given a wallet for Christmas every year since we’ve been married, he will not replace that wallet.
In that wallet is a matchbook that I gave him on our first date. You can’t even read the logo anymore. When we were dating cell phones and internet weren’t even thought of. When we were separated (he was in boot camp) and he was having a bad day he’d pull that matchbook out and think of me.
In Post #13 - He’s not being “weird” he’s being male. My husband is STILL that way and we’ll celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary this year. Being insecure when affection is rejected is a perfectly normal reaction.
In Posts # 17 & 18 – I would definitely find the gifts disturbing, but that’s just my opinion. I know many women and a few men that believe that they’re entitled to expensive gifts.
In Post #22 – Of course he wants your co-workers to know you’re dating, he’s proud of you. BUTTTTTT There IS a problem if he doesn’t want you to take your friend’s opinions into consideration. IF he’s trying to ostracize you from your social network there is a SERIOUS problem.
In Post #24 – These all seem perfectly normal relationship thing. UNLESS the texts are every hour or something silly like that. And an argument can be made for every hour in a new relationship in the honeymoon stage.
In the end, it all comes down to what YOU feel comfortable with.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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