I'm not sure if this is where im meant to be AND if its just an American site thing, I dunno, but im here anyway.

Ive been reading some of your previous posts and realised im not actually alone when my mind works overtime.

But however I don't wanna sound like someone looking for attention or sympathy, cause I don't deserve it, theres heaps of people out there who deserve things more than me and I try to get by by thinking that life could be worse. I feel selfish even posting here now.

But you all seem so supportive that maybe sometimes I can come tell u whats up and u might make me see things different. I know things aren't really as bad as they seem, but sometimes it just feels like it.

Im 21 so I've hardly even started living and it seems crappy

It's prolly silly and im just stupid but oh well, if this isnt the right place for me just say and I'll leave yas be.

Im usually the happy one but thats a big front I put on cause its what people want me to be, by myself im miserable alot, I feel like I have to keep my mind busy to keep it from wandering and thinking about things to much.

This is prolly really boring and I should say something happy, I am a happy person but when things go wrong it hits me twice as hard as anyone else. Im a only child so when someone betrays me they don't realise it but its worse for me cause my friends are all I have around my own age, and trust me some of them have sure screwed me over, 1 was the girl who my bf cheated on me with, 1 took a bf i was just sorting things out with, 1 uses me as a fill in for when her bf is busy, others make me feel like im babysitting them if we're drinking and BLAAAAAAAH I can't be bothered going on. My friends are really important to me and they have no clue.

I don't wanna be one of those people who moan when they have no bf etc or moans about boys all the time, but I get hurt the same as anyone else, ive given up in that division.

I don't know if im depressed and I don't really want to go to a therapist because I know id sit there and say nothing, I really would, I have symptoms though, I cry every night by myself, i cant make decisions, i cut 1 of my wrists last year but I was to chicken to do the other so that proved that I wouldnt do that - all I could think about was I couldnt do that to my parents.

Not a clue what im doing.

Im 4th year at uni doing a music degree with marketing etc in it and this year ive done my best marks ever, its still hard though, people think im smarter than i am, i may act smart and know lots of stuff, but maybe its the wront stuff.

Who knows,

Ive done alotta silly things to myself and wish lots of things were different, but theyre not are they . . . so I just gotta keep going as is.

Ill talke more once Ive got a bit of trust on here

Anyway this is prolly the longest post in the history of posts so ill go now.

remember, if im in the wrong place dont be afraid to say