Yeah, venting is personal, it should be private, and my wife would be very upset if she heard some of the things I have said about her (but to people she does NOT know, like my therapist; I don't badmouth her around mutual friends).

Although I consider myself a decent employee, I am much more concerned and dedicated to my family than my workplace. I care about work so much only because I am worried about running out of money, which is a real issue with us right now.

My wife very definitely puts off household things "until she feels better." Unfortunately, she very, very rarely "feels better." I have tried so hard to be supportive, to be empathetic, to help her with whatever psychiatrist/therapist she wants to see, to pay for whatever meds she wants to take, etc. I'm so frustrated and it is showing here.

"What happens if/when better never comes?" Exactly! That is what I want to ask my wife. Our house is a wreck. If I start cleaning, I'm going to be doing it myself; I know from experience.

If I deducted all the "breaks" from what work my wife does, I doubt we'd have an hour a day that she spent on household chores as opposed to watching TV, playing on the Internet, etc. I'm serious, and I'm attempting to be fair about it. I'm trying to give her credit for what she does.

She does spend time with the kids, and I appreciate that, but they're always filthy, just like the house is. I would pour so much more into their care if I had it in me. I'm working on that, excercising more, eating better, trying to build up some reserves while my wife is sitting around. After years I just can't stay in denial about her ability to change. Somehow there's going to have to be more in me, illnesses or not.

You are right, it probably sound like I am belittling her illness. I submit that she belittles mine, constantly. I run so hard bringing home money for the standard of living she wants. That's not enough. I try to put in some time helping around the house; it doesn't amount to much, but I do what I can. That's not enough. I try to work hard on our finances and get us back on track. It isn't enough. I try to spend time with the kids. It's never enough. All this while she's plopped in front of the TV and I don't have time to watch one show.

I don't put in long hours at the office or play hero there. Forty totally exhausts me. Making the requirement at work is all I've got, for now anyway. I wish I could scale it back and spend more time/energy here, especially for the kids, but we'd go broke. My medical conditions are costly, hers are costly, kid bills are costly.

When I complain about % of income, I am really trying to complain about % of effort. It's lopsided. I need her, the kids need her. I don't care about how much $$$ she brings in. I care about how much she does for the family. I try hard to tell myself it is balanced. But I can't keep lying to myself about this.

If she put in one half of the effort that your husband does around the house, we'd be in much better shape.

Maybe her pdoc has her underdiagnosed. I don't know. Maybe it'd be easier to tell if she went to all the appointments and didn't have so many pdoc and therapist no-shows, all at $70 to $90 a pop. I'd offer to drive her myself but my supervisor frowns on that kind of thing.

Gotta stop or I'm gonna be late for work.