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Hi Slothrop
I can understand where you're coming from. I suffer from severe depression because I'm homebound and permanently/terminally disabled due to systemic amyloidosis. On a good day, I can fold towels or wash dishes - but I may place the towels in the cupboard and dishes in the closet. I can't work, and I suck at being a wife.
For as long as I've known my husband, he's worked his butt off. I know because I met him at work. He also helped me care for my ailing parents (dad-cancer/mom amyloidosis - both now deceased). He also adopted my son from my first marriage and raised him as if he were his own precious child - gave his heart and soul to our son.
When I was diagnosed with amyloidosis and told I only had a few years left of eyesight, he wrapped his arms around me and said "I'll be your eyes."
Not only does he bring home the bacon, he has to do all the shopping, housework, pay all the bills AND be my caregiver. To make matters worse, he has spurs on all of his vertebra (bad back), his blood pressure and cholesterol are at dangerously high levels, and he's losing his vision too.
He doesn't get much work these days because people only see him as a "dirty Mexican" or assume he's some sort of "terrorist" or "illegal alien." His boss and the women at work make fun of his clothing. One day he was rushing off to work and spilled some coffee on his shirt. They said to him "Nice shirt - did your wife pick that one out for you?" BAM - got us both with that one.
Last Sunday we had a leaky drain in our bathroom sink. We only have one bathroom. While he was trying to fix the pipe, the sink fell off the wall and crashed down onto him. Considering the condition of the wall, it didn't look possible to get it back up again. He didn't have much time because our laundry pipes are broken too. He had to take all our clothing to the laundromat, but only one machine was working - same with the other laundromat clear across town. He had to drive back and forth to both in order to get it done in time.
He managed to get the bathroom sink back up on the wall - fixed the leaky pipe too. I don't even want to know how he got the sink back up, but I noticed pieces of my missing rubber kitchen gloves clamped to the drain.
It destroys me to see my house in this condition, but there's NO WAY I'd blame my husband for our impoverished state. Unfortunately, everyone else blames him. They say things like "Why can't he get a better job?" and "Why is their home such a dump?"
My sister in Texas tried to defend us one day by saying "Leave her alone - she likes being poor." Give me a BREAK - who the hell LIKES being poor and living in a rundown shack?
My husband has access to all my emails and I have access to his but it's not a big deal. He knows I'm snarky, but he also knows I would never degrade my husband to friends OR strangers.
With my depression, I feel better when he makes me feel like a woman. With him, he feels better when I reassure him he's a man - MY man.
You and your wife are in this together. I hope she realizes insulting your "manhood" won't do anything to make her feel like a princess. Unfortunately, too many women have been raised to believe that Cinderella was a real person - she's just a fantasy. They seem to forget their Prince would like to live "happily ever after" too.
Good luck.
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