No reply needed, really. I just need to get this out.

I am SO MISERABLE. I'm not sure I've ever felt quite like this...but I have spend my entire life, from age 16 on, self-medicating in one way or another, and I'm not now, and I'm stuck with me.

I am starting to wonder if there is an underlying depression and that is the reason for the self-medicating. Ugh

And I see T in about 30 minutes and don't even care because I know he can't make it better. What a ****ing waste of time and money. I just want to give up. T can't help me.