Wow, that's really sad that your parents are like that. My mom had her own depression and by all right should not have been a mom. We had a terrible relationship till a couple years after I moved to the opposite coast. I left abruptly and I cut her off for a while. She was very controlling and scared to death to be alone, so she kept me down so I wouldn't want to leave. I don't think she fully realized thats what she was doing. My grandma is the same way (but waaaaaaaaay worse). My mom even told me when I was in the 7th grade that she'd disown me if I went to college and left her. When I did find the courage to leave, she realized that if she didn't change her attitude toward me she wouldn't have a daughter.

I also realized that just because she was a terrible parent, it doesn't mean she's a bad person. She had a mother much worse than she was, so she didn't have a good maternal role model and she'd been through so much that it just wasn't in her to show me love or affection. Up until a couple years ago I genuinely thought she hated me. Now we're good friends. I'm VERY thankful for it.

Unfortunately, your parents might not be as easy. Some people just don't know how to deal with problems other than avoidance and denial. Your parents were not fit to raise a child, quite obviously. I'm sure they know on some level, It's probably too painful for them to even acknowledge to themselves that they weren't good parents and they are probably the reason why you are in so much pain. I know if I were a mother, it would kill me to know I made my kids life a living hell. My grandmother beat my mom bloody (literally) with belts and wire hangers. She also left her own mother to starve and die even though she lived a block away. She still denies everything and swears she was the perfect mother and daughter. My grandmother is now in her 80's, making my moms life hell and is completely miserable because she can't see anything past herself. It's sad. Some people refuse to see reality and will never see it. Sometimes it's just best to accept people for what they are and keep your distance for your own well being. I know I could never go back home because I'd be driven crazy and manipulated. But let me tell you, since I left and cut them off for a while, both my mom and grandmother treat me like gold. The only way to change someones behavior is to 1st change yours. They still may not change, but they'll likely respect you more for not needing them or their approval.

I wish you much luck!