As hard as it is to realize, she's probably vented to friends for a long time. Its really unfortunate that you had to read that email. I know it hurts to know she's "talking" about you behind your back, but had you not read it, you wouldn't be so upset right now.
I can see that your situation is pretty bad. I wonder how much you two talk to each other about these problems? I'm the one in my family that has all the MI problems, and my husband currently is the only one working. I feel intensely guilty about that all of the time. I feel like I put incredible pressure on him because he has to figure out how to pay all the bills because I'm too weak and too freaked out to work. I have a lot of bad feelings about the situation. I do my best around the house and its pretty much always clean (not spotless) but clean and nice smelling, but I am very obsessive about arranging things, so I guess this ends up being a plus in the house department. Same goes for our son, he's well taken care of, and he's clean. But some days the most I can do with him is chat a little (he's 9), help with homework, and then I have to remove myself (mostly zone out reading a book or something) because I am not doing well. He gets all of the attention he needs, but sometimes I know he would like more, but I am in too bad of a place emotionally to really do much more for him. All this being said, me and my husband talk about everything. All of the things I've said here (or really anything I've ever said about myself or life here on PC I've told him in real life). He adamantly swears that he's happy with being the money provider and doesn't mind at all that I'm at home. He's never, ever complained about how I do or do not handle the things in the house, and sometimes I just don't do it right, I know. I know that he feels financial pressure, because a few times I have "found out" about some financial problem we are having and we always talk about it. (He, very kindly, takes care of all financial things, including paying all the bills because I have issues with doing this competently.) But he says that he's ok taking the financial stuff because I do so much other stuff (I don't know what he means half the time) but when I ask, he has these huge lists of things I do that it just never occurred to me that anyone would even notice "all the little things" that I do. Anyway, what I am saying is that our situation is "set up" similarly to yours, but we communicate A LOT. And I think that is key. Of course, symptoms of my illness are that I never feel good enough or worthy enough, but he understands that and just supports me the best he can. Ag, I guess what I am saying is that maybe you guys need to get to a place where you are communicating more, are more aware of each other's needs and what the other is doing for the family. Maybe that would help with both of your perspectives?
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"School is shortened, discipline relaxed, philosophies, histories, languages dropped, English and spelling gradually gradually neglected, finally almost completely ignored. Life is immediate, the job counts, pleasure lies all about after work. Why learn anything save pressing buttons, pulling switches, fitting nuts and bolts?" Bradbury, Ray Fahrenheit 451 p 55-56
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