I am tired of trying. I have had problems for so long and when I finally build up the courage to try and seek helps it seems like there is none. I would rather self-destruct inside then on the outside. I'm going back to the way i was and i don't know if i am more relieved or scared. The old me shares no emotions, no one knew anything was wrong with me, and i was stronger. Now i break more easily, have found more triggers, and am more frustrated. I am scared though because i don't know if i truly want to to back to the way i was. I was colder, i cared for few people but if you were one of the people i cared for i would kill for you. I feel self-destructive, violent, and broken down. I just don't know what to do anymore. I want my guidance counselor to leave me alone, i want to stop breaking down and showing emotions. I can't see a T without jeopardizing my relationship with my dad, and i would never want to do that. I just feel like giving up and going back to the way i was.