I'm glad you talked to her. What a relief. I didn't think that guy should be saying those things to you or anyone. He's just plain ignorant if he thinks that bipolar people don't want to get "better" and that it's not a lifelong illness. All we can do is learn to manage it.

Part of the disability is not knowing what to expect. You can have one great day where you feel somewhat normal or only mildly depressed, then it can be followed by 4 or more days of severe depression. How is one supposed to keep a job when they have to call in sick whenever their brain chemistry is screwed up? Most jobs will not put up with working one day a week, let alone no days a week. At my job I work a single day for 5-7 hours a week or 2 days of about 4 hours each. They're very accomodating and I can switch days if I've not been able to sleep or am too depressed and overwhelmed to leave the apartment. A job like this is one in a million, though. Still, I can't work enough to support myself.

I have always had a very independent spirit and it makes me feel terrible to have to rely on programs and others, but it's better than being institutionalized. That's what these disability workers need to know. But because they've never suffered, it's easy to call mentally ill people lazy. In fact, instead of brains being proof that we can work more, intelligence actually makes our illness worse because we can think far more abstractly about the pain that we're in. It would be better if we were blissfully ignorant. We try to talk ourselves out of the depression and it just gets worse. We say things like "There is so much you have to be thankful for, what's wrong with you? Why can't you be normal."

Who would want to live on the paltry amount and the limited insurance options within disability if they could have an awesome job, a house, a car, and benefits for working full time? This was certainly not my dream as a child.

I'm so sorry about the things the caseworker said to you. I hope you will be treated with respect on the next try.

Best.