Not me, I've decided I'm going to go kicking and screaming...

I was sitting in a group discussion and somebody read off the statistic that one in five experience depression. I could see the other group members counting off to see how many of the group might be depressed based on the numbers. Really a waste of time, we were in a depression group.

Sometimes it's a Good Thing seeing how you are relating to your world at that moment when compared to others around you. Kind of like the "a good day to a hunchback is to see another hunchback with a bigger hump" way of thinking. Depressed people vaguely remember feeling good, in a detached sort of way; "it was a long time ago so maybe I'm mistaken." There is bummercentrism- "this is only happening to me: nobody has ever felt the way I do". Sadly, we are all Bozos on this bus, we all take our turn in the tub, we all resort to demeaning cliches'. I know I'm going to cycle around and feel like pond scum, chemistry and past history says so- but I write in my journal about how great it is to feel great as I'm feeling great and it gives me hope; I remind myself that I'll get through it again, that S holds no power over me. I write letters to my future-depressed self reassuring myself that feeling crummy will be short-termed, even though time seems to slow.

Ever see that clip of the Special Olympics race where one participant falls down? The other racers go back, help him up, brush him off, and they all cross the finish line together. Maybe we aren't good enough athletes for the SO but we sure can help each other. And we do; we have a higher level of empathy than those poor "normals". I wouldn't have it any other way. Look at this site- we voluntarily come here for support and to support others- those other poor misguided people just go to sites to complain or feed their appetites.

Eventually, I know I'll cycle again; it's so much more comforting to know I can come here where others know exactly what I'm experiencing. I know that I will be encouraged and supported, that I'll make comments about being a pest and complaining again; that everybody will tell me "shut up, we are going to help you whether you want it or not", which, after all, is what I really needed to hear to get me through the next hour...