|
I'm losing everything. My heart just hurts so much...it feels like I have a huge weight on it and slowly by slowly the weight gets heavier and heavier until it feels like my heart is about to be crushed. It's getting harder and harder to breathe
Why do I have to feel this way? I don't even know how to tell anyone else. I don't even think anyone else know how I feel. I don't think anyone realizes how I'm feeling and how I'm slowly dying inside.
Sometimes I just want to scream and scream to make them look at me and see that I'm dying. And sometimes I work up the nerve to try to tell them that something is wrong with me and then something happens that makes it impossible to me to tell them. And then later when they ask if I'm ok, I say that I'm fine.
I'm a coward like that. i can't ask for help when I need it. I don't know how to explain it to them. I don't think they will understand. I know that they won't understand.
I feel it now...the pressure on my heart, making it harder to breathe...to take air in and out. Its is so hard to breathe. I feel the stinging in my eyes. The tears that want to fall but can't.
I want to tell them. I want to call out and just tell them. I'm so so unhappy. So sad...so alone...so unhappy... But I can't ask a word. Every time I feel like I'm about to break and they ask what's wrong I can't say a word. I lie and say I'm fine.
I lie. My whole life is a lie. Everything I am and everything I say is a lie. I can't take this anymore. I think that's why everything is starting to seep out the cracks in myself. I don't know how much longer I can hold myself together without completely breaking. I'm running out of glue to hold myself together. The cracks in my heart are getting bigger and bigger.
I need help. I need an escape. I can't take much more of this. I'm dying and I don't know what to say. It's getting harder and harder to breathe. So hard...so painful...so sad...so alone.......
__________________
"Trying to take it one day at a time." 
|