Your problems are no less than mine. Putting it out there is part of manageing and healing. Each of us can relate, and you desrve to be able and express it. Yoy are not pathetic, you are hurting... do not let anyone tell you otherwise!

I am verry surprised that your doc does not have an backup arangement, as that is not how we do things in our org... but that is my experience. I hope you find some way to get seen.

Take care