I can almost feel the cold steel on my skin...brazing the skin...then the cut...not deep...just enough to bleed a little.

I can feel the emotions stop...everything stops when I cut. My head stops spinning round and round...my body lies still...I feel calm once more....

That is just a memory of cutting. Why can't I do it again? I know my loved ones will hurt because of my actions...but I want it so badly!

I want to scream, hit, smash, and cut all at the same time! I want to be allowed to do what I want! No pdoc, no T, nobody....I don't want to hear any of them!