It's been coming in waves all day. I didn't sleep well last night, so today I was tired and irritable. One minute I was fine, and the next I was draped in sadness. And then, as suddenly as it came, it would lift again. I set aside an hour each day to sit and have a coffee and read or write; it's my "me" time and I especially need it on days like today... But I had to get up and leave the cafe early because out of nowhere, I felt like I was going to burst into tears. I only had one class today and I'm proud of myself for having gone because it was the absolute LAST thing I wanted to do. I didn't pay attention and wound up doodling the entire time. I don't even know what we talked about, but at least I got there.

I'm just short on patience right now. Every tiny thing irritates me to no end. I've tried to keep myself doing busy, mindless work, like folding laundry and tidying my room. I'm exhausted, but restless. I don't know what the problem is. I just want to scream and scream and scream until I run out of air. It alternates between impatience and hopelessness. All of a sudden I'll deflate, and I have to take a few moments to remember to breathe and get myself going again. I have to remind myself why I'm here, why I'm bothering with my work, even my writing. This has happened to me before and from experience I know my mood generally levels out after a couple of days. I just need to let it burn itself out. These phases of mine drive me crazy, though. I can never see them coming. I just get the rug pulled out from under me.