Lostforevermore,
You write and describe your feelings very well. I'm sorry that you are so sad. You don't say in your post whether you are in therapy, on medication or haven't yet tried these things because of not being able to ask for help.
One of the blogs today on PC was about why people don't ask for help for depression. That might be a good starting point for you so you can think about why you aren't able to talk about how you feel. 1flagwriter's suggestion about printing out your post is also an excellent one because then you could go to your doctor and wouldn't have to speak, and you can hand it to your family or friends.
There are also 1-800 hot line numbers that you can call and talk with someone, especially if you are feeling desperate. Speaking on the phone is often easier than talking face-to-face and would give you practise/experience talking to someone about it.
Please consider doing something to help you feel better soon. You don't deserve to feel this way. And please keep posting so we know how you doing.