This is one of the more emotional days I have had in awhile. But its almost like there was a theme for the day.. Triggers you have no control over. I mean... I understand that if you know a certain thing is going to trigger you.. then you might try your best to avoid it. What do you do to triggers you have no control over.

The day started with my waking up to hearing my wife on the phone. It was a collection agency for my Sister-in-laws Mother-in-law. She has never lived in this house, and she doesnt even know my phone number. But yet someone, this crooked @ss collections agency has called since we have had this number. Always telling them that nobody lives here... take our name off the list... to no avail. Today... the straw that broke the camels back. I snapped... cussing them out while my wife was on the phone.. Then afterwards, checking the caller ID... called them back about 3 or 4 times.. eventually they got sick of it and transferred me to the boss.
He got it (or so he says)... but it didnt help. Someone else will still probably end up calling here for her.

Later, my wife tried calling her neurologist for some more pain medication. Her methadone is running out tomorrow... and she is not scheduled to see him again until Friday next. In the meantime, being out of METHADONE... they told her to take ALEVE. I not claiming to be a Doctor... but I am sure that if the Methadone ran out because she has had to use it more than she wanted, Aleve is going to be as effective as throwing a pebble at a tank. Add on that the withdrawals she is about to start facing this next week from the methadone. How is that going to be good? When she doesnt feel good, it puts more stress on me, which starts the whole emotional drain that ANY caregiver would face, let alone a BP caregiver.

This is how I stewed all day. Then later in the night, my wife asked her mother if we could borrow the outside table. Told her that when they decided to start using it in the spring, we will bring it back down, if we didnt get our own first. This is where it gets good.... quote the mom to my wife "Dear Heart, You will never get anything" .

Needless to say... this didnt sit well. I blew up on facebook at her. Kind of like... venting.. giving them what they probably expect from me. Jumping the gun, saying things I shouldnt have. Next thing I know, I get a message back from her saying I am pushing it to far. Reading the message, you can almost see her clinching her teeth, mumbling things about I did this... or I caused that.. thats the feeling that she seemed to write in her words.

I read all that... came back with another smartass remark like I do so well... pretty much saying... You would be Much happier if I got a divorce it sounds like.

Now, I love my wife.... I dont want a divorce.. Is life stressful. You Betcha.. But this is how angry this woman made me. I end up just getting up and leaving and telling my wife I go to bed. Next thing I know, my wife is crying, typing a message back to her mom in a very snappy, pissy kind of way. So all I can do is cry... standing there behind her thinking...
Look what I started. Getting so worked up, and then just passing it off to the wife. I mean, I know I feed off of other peoples emotions..Your happy, so am I. But to pass MY emotions onto my wife because of things I wrote and said. That just depresses me and makes me angry at myself.

After the first incident, I tried taking care of a project I was working on... but then.. poof... along comes the train wreck.

What can you do when you have these triggers in your life that you cant avoid. I mean, I do my best to not go down to their house for supper. They know I have BP.... but the attitude towards me is like... Okay.. Good for you.. Now how come you dont work? I avoid them, but then crap like this happens where I cant get away.