I'll tell you right now that having your loved ones find out about it is the worst experience ever. From your post, it sounds like the cutting addiction is starting. Sometimes SI starts off small but it can quickly escalate in frequency and intensity. One thing that helps to slow yourself down is to mark on a calendar so you can actually see how often you are doing it. (I just use tallies so no one but me knows what it means). When I told my T that I am starting to think and daydream about cutting deeper and more dangerous, she pointed out that it's similar to drug addictions where over time you'll start to crave and need more of it to reach similar relief to your first time. Just remember you're not alone and nobody on here will be disappointed, we're here for support, not judgement. Also, you're not alone so feel free to come talk to us when you're having a hard time