Hang in there!! I couldn't even begin to imagine what you have been through. I do on the other hand know what it's like to lose someone close to you. I've lost all 4 of my grandparents and 2 good friends. I have no children yet but I'm sure that is one of the worst things that could ever happen. It sounds to me like the loss of your child was the begining of a downward spiral. You must try to come to grips with the fact that you lost your child and just remember the happy times you had together. Try not to dwell on the past. There is nothing you can do to bring your child back, so cherish the time you had and go on with your life the best you can. Once you've let go, your life will go back to normal.
Take care...
tiredashell