Quote:
Originally Posted by TayQuincy
peaches,
I am so sorry that your parents were, and still ARE, so neglectful. I can feel the pressure to be forced into the role of "happy little girl" and how destructive that is. It sounds like your mother acts as if the world revolves around her, oblivious to the needs of her own daughter. It really makes sense that you struggle with having needs, and knowing how to get those needs met. Why not show your T exactly what you wrote here?
I do think it's wise to stop emailing your T. It seems all it really does is retraumatize you. Unless your expectations were lowered, and/or your t made an effort to respond better, it doesn't seem at all healthy to email.
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Hi Tayquincy,
Thanks for your validation of my situation/feelings. I do honestly think that my mom was/is oblivious to my needs. The thing is, I don't know why she is that way. She's normally an upbeat happy person. But she flat-out just refuses (or doesn't) see anything bad or painful. Let me give you an example.
My mom plays the piano at nursing homes for the old people. Now to me, that must show that my mom has compassion and wants to help people in need, right? That's one reason why it hurts me so, so badly. I see her helping other people but she has rarely ever helped me or acknowledged my pain and struggles. I just don't understand.
Well anyway, one day when i was in town visiting her, it was her day to go the nursing home and play piano, so i went with her. The piano bench was missing, so we started looking around for it. It was in another room next door. So she started wheeling the piano bench back to the other room. As we passed through the room, we noticed a woman sitting there. She had her pants down and had defecated on the floor. She seemed really distressed (out of it), and was reaching out her arms to us and saying, "Help me! Please help me!" I looked over at my mom and she just smiled and continued wheeling the piano bench into the other room. Then she sat down and started arranging her music. I said, "But mom! What about that lady?!" She told me, "Don't worry about it. Someone will find her eventually." I felt so sad and weird, almost surreal. It dawned on me that maybe this is the way she treated me also when i had problems. Maybe she figured somebody else would help, or things would just work out somehow, or whatever. And she just smiled, like nothing bad was ever happening.
I feel so sad while writing this.
I don't understand. It's like my mom wants to help people, but then again, she doesn't. My h says the only reason my mom does things for charity is because of the pats on the back, like her being the "Volunteer of the Year" at the nursing home. I want to think she does it because she wants to help people. But when things like that happen, like with the old lady in the nursing home, or with my problems, and she ignores it, i just don't know what to think.