Mood swings...crazy emotions, can't stop crying. I wrote less than 30 minutes ago to update my last entry and was feeling sad, but okay enough. I just took a shower and somewhere during that time, I was overtaken by such overwhelming saddness and now I can't stop crying.

I am all over the book. Sometimes I feel good, like I did yesterday when I decided to take some time off work. I felt strong and decisive. Then today, I am a basket case. It started with me crying over a full dishwasher that we forgot to turn on. Now I don't even know why I'm crying but I can't stop. I keep reflecting on the last time I went through depression. Back then I turned to drugs and alcohol to get away from these feelings. I became a crazy clubber with a nasty group of friends to try and escape my depression (I just didn't realize it at the time.) Knowledge is power and I won't do that this time - older and wiser. None of that helped me last time anyhow. It just delayed the inevitable.

The problem is that now I don't know what to do. Writing is helping. I am calming down as I type. I know I need to get out of my house but I need to calm down first and get the swelling in my eyes to go down a bit (I am vain, can't help it...I know too many people in my neighborhood.) I can't keep living like this. I am so tired of being in pain. I want to be happy. I deserve to be happy. I am a good person. I just want these cycles to stop. I need to stop crying!

Can anyone help me? What do you do when you get down like this and the crying takes over? How do you make it stop?