Sorry, this is probably going to be a long post, because there's a lot of questions I have.

ok, a bit of background info: I was always an anxious child.. and was finally diagnosed with Panic and anxiety disorder when I was 17. I'm 28 now and had a few rough years with agoraphobia, and depression, but for the most part (except for a bad reaction to a new med a few days ago), my anxiety has been relatively good the past 3 years. I moved out of my parents' house, got a job and am getting ready to go back to school in the fall to become a social worker. Seems simple, right? Well here's where it gets iffy.

I have (and always have had) problems with insomnia. It got so bad the other day that I had to go to the hospital to get something to calm me down so I could sleep. This isn't the first time I've been to the hospital for lack of sleep.. I went once before when I hadn't slept in over 3 days and felt like I was going delirious. Ok now here's where it gets interesting. I've tried just about every sleeping pill known to man kind and nothing works. The ativan calmed me down, and I did sleep that night, as I was up for almost two days straight... and my doctor put me back on risperadol which she said would help with my anxiety and insomnia. It's not helping at all. I'm getting less than 4 hours of sleep a night and can't sleep during the day, even though I feel so physically tired.. I feel like I'm about to collapse any minute from fatique, but yet I still can't sleep. How can one be so tired and exhausted but not able to sleep? Ok here's another little background info: Two years ago ish, I went to the sleep clinic to see if I had sleep apnea.. the pre test showed that I had symptoms but the sleep study test didn't show any signs of sleep apnea. They gave me a cpap machine anyway because the sleep doctor said that all my symptoms (except for falling asleep right away) show that of sleep apnea. While I stopped using my machine about a year ago because it was making me break out and was very uncomfortable to wear (I have to wear the full face one because of my allergies)... but I'm tying to think back and not sure if I was even sleeping WHEN I was using it. Can sleep apnea cause insomnia? I thought it did the reverse.. make you so tired that you fall asleep right away. If I have sleep apnea then why aren't I sleeping when I feel tired? Also, I wanted to wait to get another sleep study done because I didn't want to keep using the cpap if I indeed don't have sleep apnea because what if it can do some harm?

Here's where it gets even more interesting: Last year I was diagnosed with temperal lobe epilepsy. I find it interesting that 'that' type of epilepsy affects the emotions part of the brain and often people are mis diagnosed with psychiatric conditions when in fact they have TLE. I also read that that type of epilepsy can cause insomnia. I'm wondering if all my problems are because I'm not on the right seizure meds yet? I will know the results of my MRI next month when I go back to see the neurologist. Maybe then I will get some answers. I do know though that when I was on topomax (mood stabilizer but also a seizure med), my anxiety was completely gone. Now that I'm off it, it's back. But I also couldn't sleep then and now. So, I dunno... ahh I'm just so frustrated! I don't know if this is from lack of sleep or the temperal lobe epilepsy or side effects from meds, but I often have trouble concentrating and trouble processing what people are saying. I lose my focus a lot (sometimes I think I have ADD!).. takes me an hour to read just 20 pages because my mind wanders so much and I get so distracted. I can't stay still for very long while studying or watching tv.. and always need to take breaks. Sometimes I feel really dense.. because I don't always get things like my other friends do.. I'm always the last person to get the punchline to a joke.. I'm so very out of it all the time and have trouble comprehending simple things sometimes and get confused easily.

I just want to know what it is that I have and how to go abouts finding the right meds. I also have been diagnosed with severe ocd (obsessive thoughts).. and seasonal depression. I just want to get this all figured out before I start school this fall because I can't be in school and feel like a zombie all day.

ugh.. I hate not sleeping and not knowing why!!

Any ideas or suggestions?