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Mar 19, 2010, 02:20 PM
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Member Since: Jun 2007
Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 5,518
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheByzantine
There is a lot going on here. Do you love each other? Do you want the relationship to continue? One member in a similar situation referred to an icky list. After discussion, the partners made an icky list of things that were impediments to a more meaningful relationship and worked to resolve them.
It seems both of you are somewhat unhappy. Whether you want to change that is the first question to address when making up the plan.
Good luck.
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I think that's a good idea Byzantine.
I met my husband at a time when I was done playing around. I had resolved to be a single parent the rest of my life because I would not sacrifice my child for any man.
I was a "list-maker" too. With my first husband, it was usually a list of pros and cons about our marriage. With my second, I made an "icky list" of all his quirks and habits before I committed myself to him. I evaluated each little one and decided I could live with them for the rest of my life. Over the years, they have become endearing. I LOVE listening to the sound of him snoring. If it is excessively loud, I turn on a fan to balance out the noise. If it wakes me up, oh well. I've awoken him from a sound sleep too. How I would miss the sound of his breathing if he should die first.
Slothrop - If you and your wife want to work this out together, maybe you could write up your icky lists. Do it on a day when you are both feeling strong and balanced and remember it's not a personal attack- it's a chance for your love to grow stronger. 
If there is a particular item that can't be changed, no matter how hard you try - learn to love that quirk. 
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