I agree with TayQuincy. It is all about her and not about you in any way- as a child.

I've figured out (with much help from T.) that it is the mother's insecurity and has NOTHING to do with how I was as a wee little one-- that so depended and deserved love.

It was never ever your fault.
You deserved unconditional love just as much as any child that ever existed.
Think about it-- would you ever be the way your mother was?? I bet not--- because you don't have such insecurities. She is damaged and it has affected you in ways that are oh so difficult to deal with.

Like I said to Perpetuallysad-- I found much understanding and healing in the book-- "Will I Ever Be Good Enough, healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers" by Dr. Karyl McBride. (Dr. McBride was also a daughter of a narcissistic mother, so she understands first hand, and in the book she tells of various clients and how things were with their mothers-- I bet you will find your situation in some of these people)
The book is in three parts-- 1) Recognizing the Problem 2) How Narcissistic mothering affects your entire life and 3)Ending the legacy

well if you are around--- I hope you see how it's so not anything you did or didn't do and that you may find peace within your own beautiful self.

fins