Looks like I didn't get the job. Disappointed and relieved all at the same time. I think more disappointed though. Fed by those ugly feelings of being a failure. I just don't seem to have what it takes anymore, says my self pity talk. The old me never failed to get a job when she went after it. Not once did I not win a competition for a job until my issues brought me to my knees a half dozen years or so ago. Plus I just don't like to loose or for someone else to beat me. But that's not very rational or useful to think that way.

Rather I suppose I shall believe that it wasn't meant for me. That something else awaits me. Something better for me. I still have lots to give and something will open up. I just need it to open up soon because living on credit can only go on for so long before it just gets me deep in trouble.

I have applied for a couple of other jobs but I have a feeling they will follow the same path. I may need to put my entrepreneurial cap back on and see what I can do for myself.

I am not defeated yet. I really am relieved the wait is over. I am now just hanging on the belief that somehow a path will show itself. I will keep my head up so I can see it when it appears.

Thank you to all who have put up with me and encouraged me this past week or so. I know I can be a real drain with my flip flopping from hopeful to hopeless. I appreciate you hanging with me through it all.