I am so SICK of getting up every morning, trying to put my best foot forward, and falling on my face as soon as I walk out of the room. Everyday I get up, get dressed, listen to something uplifting, eat breakfast, go for a walk, read, visit the neighbors and their kids, etc. And still I feel like this... My husband is in school and works part-time. I work at home providing childcare. Twin, 5 month old boys. I love them so much!!! Since I have them 6 days a week second shift I try to get housework done early. yet, it usually doesn't get done at all. my dishes are piling up, my living room is a mess, the bathroom's disgusting... but I just can't seem to muster up the energy...
I spend so much time feeling empty and lost. I have so many things to be happy about, but nothing soaks in... I can barely gather the energy and desire to be intimate with my husband. our relationship suffers so much because of me. Not just in more personal areas, but just in general. I never get anything done, when he's home I bury myself in the babies and ignore in, yet I get mad when he goes upstairs and doesn't spend time with me. I cry all the time, about everything. it just happens all of a sudden and I can't stop. I angry and aggitated constantly. I can't sleep, which only makes things worse. Not to mention the fact that O have zero interest in pretty much anything...I thought I was past this! I thought this part was over! I got on my meds, got everything adjusted. I was fine. things were fine... but now... I'm right back where I started a year ago. is it really going to help to go back to the doctor for a higher dose of meds. every other time it's worked for a couple months, then I'm crashing again, then we up it, I'm fine for a couple months, then I'm crashing... on and on and on... I want my life back!!!! that is, if I ever had a "normal" life to begin with. things have been so messed up for so many years that I wouldn't recall it anyway... I guess I've just lost hope recently and need to feel some sort of reason to keep going...