Hi randomchick,

I'm wondering if maybe a therapist would be a good idea, if you don't already have one... It seems like you really need to talk to someone. I found cognitive behavioural therapy to be helpful in retraining your mind out of depressive thinking. If you want to you can take medication and seek help from a therapist. You know yourself best and there are really no shoulds when it comes to seeking treatment for yourself. It's all about finding what works and finding someone you can trust to give you good advice and to listen to you. Good luck.