I talked to mom last night about it. She said if I go to the hospital saying the S word they'll put me in a 72 hour lock down and if I'm honest with them at all they'll lock me up in the psychward till they felt I was safe to myself and society. She and my brother said I'd never get out when I'm ready. So now with that looming over my head I can never go to the hospital.

I hate this.