I know, I really do need to start seeing a therapist... My doctor was supposed to set something up, but she hasn't done it. and I'm broke... which makes it kind of hard... not very many people do that kind of thing for free... I was going to start meeting with my pastor, but my family is just too close to him. he's involved in my everyday life. it would be too difficult...

yeah, I really do need some time off... we're supposed to be going on vacation next month sometime, but it seems so far away... I've thought about asking for a couple days off, but I need the money!

my husband and I got in another arguement last night. which of course ended in my crying and making an *** of myself. he was upset because I don't talk to him about what's going on in my head. I couldn't take it. I was so mad that he of all people, having been through this so many times himself, would say that. I burst into tears and ran upstairs to hide in the dark. he of course came upstairs and laid down beside me and calmed me down and apologized (even though it wasn't really his fault). I try to talk to him, I do... I just don't know how to put it into words. and on the rare occassions that I do, it's just so hard to look my husband in the eye and tell him I'm falling apart from he inside out...

I have an appointment with my doctor next week, so we'll see what comes of that. I really need to find a new doctor though... she's alright and all, but I feel like she's going off the textbook and doesn't really know what she's talking about sometimes. she's just a physian.