Slightly off topic, but the last few posts have referred to how strong we are as people, but also that our strength can infer to family, freinds, employers, that we are travelling s lot better thsn we actually are. I had lost my career, house, most of my family and friends due to this illness. I have gone from a high status career (as one of the latter posters referred to) to Australia's Disability Support Pension, which is under the Poverty Line. I had no prospect of a relationship or children in my early 40's and then my Mum died. I had spent the nights leading up to her death lying on a stretcher bed alongside her in the Palliative care section of the hospital.

I was the one to arrange her funeral (I have three elder brothers, who all have partners and children), even before she died. She knew I had gone away for a while to visit the funeral home and make those arrangements and she was very proud of me for that. After she died I asked my brothers could I do the Eulogy as I am skilled in writing and delivering speeches and they immediately agreed as none of them are confident in that area. I wrote the speech, adjusted it according to my brothers' wished and delivered in a strong and clear manner, including humour, which was very appropriate for my Mum.

After the funeral I was delivered back to my home which was in the city (Mum had lived in the country town I now live in). Not one single person came to visit me after that (including friends and family) , even though I was on the Dsiability Pension, could do simply NOTHING for myself anymore (they all knew that but I don't think they wanted to see how deeply I was suffering and desperate for help - they had seen this person during Mum's final days and afterward who could get things done in a seemingly confident manner).

Not surprising to people who are reading this, I made a 100% serious attempt on my life 5 months after Mum died, due to all the huge factors above, including Mum's death. I was in a coma for 5 days with many, many medical interventions to save my life, and I did nearly die, from what I understand, many times. The point of this post, people were "SHOCKED" that I would take such an act. I was patronised, I had raw naked aggression hurled at me even during the first 72 hours when people are likely to try again, I certainly had loads of passive agression during that that time and sometimes that is even harder to deal with as it is so slippery and insidious.

I had to be assertive to protect myslef when I had just come out of a coma!!??

So I guess I'm talking about two situations - the period around Mum's death and the follow-up to my suicide attempt when people had no idea of the depths of my illnesses and were very self serving in the most inappropriate of ways. It has been so difficult to deal with and in December (Mum died in Set 2007) just gone, after all this and also years of being abused in many ways (and allowing myself to be abused in a co-dependant way), I made a permanent separation from my immediate and extended family (many more problems in the latter as well). It's very hard but I know that after long consideration that they won't change and I'm the one who needs to change the situation for my mental health and happiness, and a REAL SHOT at a decent life.