I had another mood swing and yep landed me back down to wanting to cut and everything. My 2nd boss in command basically hates me. Why. Because i was joking around with another co worker about her hair, u know she takes a stab at my hair i take a stab at hers (making fun) Well my 2nd boss was there the whole time. She told me if i had nothing nice to say dont say anything at all didnt ur mother ever told ya that. Ok both of us making fun of each other for fun and I get blamed. Well i thought she was joking when she said trhat and told me she did not want to hear another word out of my mouth. Ok well i said ok. its a word right. She told me she wants to hear NOTHING come out of my mouth. Well i said nothing. She told me to stop and that she is gonna write me up for that. Well thats when it hit me SHE was serious. so i shut up. I did not say one word in her ear range. Well earlier i caught her eating on the clock well she freaked at me for eating ONE chip on the clock. Granted i punched out before i took the damn garbage out but still. Well she said i can eat on the clock cause im the boss. Ok even THE real boss waits till break to eat her food. Not eat her food AFTER BREAK. So since she is 2nd in command that mean she get special privleges? guess so. Well i would tell my Real boss this but those two are like close and if i told her then she would tell the 2nd boss and i would be worser off. I like my boss my real boss i mean. She is a great nice person to be around. But when shes gone i get treated like crap bvy the 2nd boss. Well i went back to work after break and did 4 beds (i work in a hotel) and when i went into the room were my friend katie is she took one look at me and asked if i was allright. she said i looked flushed. I said no but she could tell that i was breaking down. She told me that she didnt think that 2nd boss should of been like that. She told me that she was mad cause we did not get 55 rooms done in 2 hrs. So she could go drinking with her friends. Well 3 girls down stairs 3 upstairs Ya think we could get 55 rooms done in two hours. I didnt eve n get my 10 rooms done in 2 hrs. Well she kept comforting me and all. And i went back to work. Well i was helping one girl on her last room and katie asked me if i was allright. I told her i will be once i get out of here and into my car. Reason I have a blade in my car. Katie asked what does that mean. Of course i told her that the farther away from this place i get today the better i will be. Well work ends i punch out and go into my car. Make a long story short. I cut my stomach 6 times. Well slipped up. Maybe its a sign that im not suppost to be here. People on this forum don t like me and people at work hate me. At least Katie was there for me. I feel alot better now since i cut... All the stress i had build up from Last nite and today just dissapeared.

I feel normal again.