I agree with Byzantine. It sounds like you need to work on communicating with your husband. Not necessarily because he has to change, but just so he can be aware of where you are coming from and can help you get some help. Sometimes talking to a therapist/counselor can help you process through the mixed bag of feelings you have. If your husband is willing you may even consider marital counseling to help you guys start working as a team again. Hang in there Let us know how you are doing.