Thank you. It is bothering me a fair bit, I think - not always good at acknowledging feelings. I feel that I have been shutting the door on depression recently and it seems hard - I think I am scared of letting go of it altogether, partly because I think still that I deserve to feel bad (and therefore feeling good is nice but is unlikely to last) and partly because I have now said to some people how much better I feel, and it would feel humiliating to have to say that I don't feel so good still. And there is no reason for it - which, tbh, has always been my sticking point with depression. There is no major trauma in my life, I had a good childhood, I have a loving family - so it seems so self-indulgent to think there's anything in me that can or should be fixed. I read some other posts here and it breaks my heart to read what others have gone through.

I wonder at times why I ever went along with taking meds and seeking help - has it all been some kind of indulgent attention-seeking on my part? Did I quite like the idea of being depressed, that it would give me the excuse not to do things I didn't want to do? I don't know. When I am ok, I can sometimes accept that I have been ill, but more often I see it as a personal weakness. And now I am feeling weak because I feel myself sliding but don't know what to do. Perhaps that's the key - I've never really been sure what caused depression in the first place (yes, there were stressors in my life at the time but nothing particularly bad) and I am not sure what has helped me to get better, so I don't know what to do to stop the process.

Sorry, trying to think aloud.