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Hope4me2 said:
since I have been in counseling for almost 4 years now...I am close enough and trusting my T enough that he wants to put a pretend person in a chair and have me talk or scream or yell or do what I want to them....for starts he wants me to talk to my brother and tell him how it felt to have him do what he did to me and yell and scream at him and tell him what I have always wanted to tell him as a child.....but was afraid too.............now I am still afraid....do not know if I can do it or not.....any advice

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What's interesting is my sister, who's more than smart enough, and learned enough tried to get me to do that and it didn't work so well for similar reasons, then she dove head first into some amazginly painful roleplaying that had me ready and about to end my pain. When all was said and done, and I had finally after four hours of her screaming at me keeping me penned and in pain told her that NO, I wasn't going to do what she said if she was going to keep hruting me that way. I calmly got out of the chair, and started heading toward the kitchen for one of the big sharp bread slicers to end my pain and she said; "Before you go off to end your pain once and for all can we talk a minute?"

I waited and she started crying which utterly floored me. She said that was the hardest thing she'd ever done for anyone. She was hurting me on purpose even though she didn't want to, she was inflicting as much pain, on purpose, as she could because I needed to reach a point when I'd finally say ENOUGH I cannot do this anymore.

She in effect compressed the nine years of shear hell I lived through with my husband and his parents into four hours to help me reach the point where for the first time ever I'd stand up for myself and say NO, you are NOT ALLOWED to abuse me.

She said she'd never seen me in that much pain and it was killing her to have to do it to me, but that I needed that more than I needed meds in some respects. I'd never learned to do that with my father, never learned to do that with my husband, and had to or I'd never heal and be free from abuse. Was the hardest thing she's ever had to do because she knew she was hurting me, and badly, I thought I'd lost her, that she was never going to speak to me again, and I couldn't handle that.

So, I'd didn't kill myself, she didn't kill herself (for hurting me so badly that I'd take my own life) and we held each other and cried for a while as we both worked on healing and recovering some.

Rolepalying can be VERY, VERY hard to deal with, a level of pain I wouldn't wish on anyone and requires someone have really detailed knowledge of you and wht you've been through. My sister was the perfect choice, the ultimate weapon to use against me. The roleplaying was an amazing sucess, but I didn't even know that was wht we were doing until it was over.

Getting angry is still something I just cannot do, and all the scream therapy and so on is something I still have a problem with, but I understand the thinking behind it. I'd say give it a try and that way you can at least say you tried it. . .?