i have some things to say and i hope they don't sound harsh. i hope anyone who reads this knows that i would never intentionally hurt another's feelings.

sometimes a person isn't asking for directions on what to do and how to do it. sometimes a person is just asking a specific question while they're trying to figure it out for themselves. also, sometimes a person in such situations just needs another to listen. i think any abuser knows that another cannot save them. i don't think many abusers look for that. also, 99% of them already know exactly what they're doing to their bodies and minds, even though they choose not to see it. they could educate us on what they're doing to themselves!

they're mostly looking for confirmation on what they already know! this is bad for me! that's a form of support!

if you feel that you need to "turn around" an abuser, you're thinking in the wrong way. if you're thinking you can support an abuser (no matter how hard it gets) while they see their own light and TURN THEMSELVES around, then you just might get some satisfaction from it.

i've dealt with abusers my entire lives. we can only set boundaries for self safety, stick with them and listen to the abuser if it doesn't cross the boundaries we've set.

we can't "tough love them into shape". we can't talk until we're blue in the face, knowing that they'll see things our way. only they know how to make it work...they just have to figure it out.

bottom line...support the abuser as they're trying to find their light, or care enough to back away and let those that can do what they need (preferably the professional).

be safe,

kd