Hi, Goodgirl62! Sounds as if your family believes in the "We'll berate you until your self-image improves" school of thought.

The question of the interrelationship of forgiveness and healing is exceptionally complex. I'm not sure I'm comfortable with any of the explanations of it I've heard or read.

For what it's worth, the following is a quote from Nina W. Brown, Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents (2nd Edition, c. 2008, New Harbinger Publications), p. 242: