Is it really depression if you can fake it, some of the time? I just got off the phone with my mom, and she doesn't suspect. Of course, I also got off the phone with my husband, and he did... which frustrates the hell out of me. Nothing worse than having someone ask you if you're feeling "sad", and wanting to make you feel better.

I almost have to admit it's real... after all, who besides a depressed person could make a statement like that without a trace of sarcasm?

I just feel like I'm being selfish, stupid, and ridiculous. I should really just get up, quit whining, and clean the house.

*shrug*

Guess I just don't care enough to bother.
Just sitting here, another day... in front of the computer.
When will life get better?
When will I start to care again?

Me and my self-destructive thoughts. I want to bury myself in them, right now. I'd long to go lay down... deep under the covers, and never come out... but it would take too much energy, to go to bed.

don't even know what i want out of life. where's the big picture? where's th end? when is it all going to stop?

It's so sad. The people who love me so much, just don't know. I don't want them to know. It's insulting, isn't it? That... they are not enough to make me feel alive.

That sounds so selfish...

I hate that i am this way.