We are going to be doing some major therapy work on Tue. My mentor who is a retired T will be flying in to join me in session with my T for a 2 hour very big day for me. I am working on putting a lot of things behind me so I can move forward. And I know I am ready to make this change. If I don't make the change, I would not make it back into a functioning adult life. So I really do want/need to do this.

The odd thing is I have been very excited about this. It is a nervous kind of excitement, but still I was happy about this. That is until the past three hours. Now I have a blanket that feels like it has fallen around me and I am sad. I just feel like ... like I just don't know.... My body has been having an anxiety attack for the last 3 hours too. And the alter who never talks to me - the cold one - has been really letting me have it with all sorts of negative talke like "You can never be free. Why are you fooling yourself into thinking you can?"

Do you guys ever feel like this when you are on the brink of change? Does it mean I really do not want to do it? Or I'm just not ready to do it???
uggggggggg