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Yack said:
Wow...I was in an abusive relationship for only a short time...

...I am afraid this will ruin my life forever...

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Oh my, I'm so sorry Yack. Goddess knows I wish I had the answer, some answer for you. I've been a vegatable now for more than a year, I want it to stop, I know better than to say I want MY life back because I know that's not going to happen. I do want SOME KIND of life back . . . I know I'm not ever going to have the life I dreamt of, but at this point I'll be happy with a home I can feel safe in, and the ability to leave the house. I'm on Welbutrin now for about a month and had a horrible experience finding out I wasn't taking enough. My Doc wanted me on 150mgs a day, but I started on half that to be safe based on everything I read. Well now after Friday I'm on 150 and its starting to work but I still have a ways to go. I'm on Xanax for the anxiety when I need it because it comes and goes.

I used to joke; "Of all the things I've lost in life, I miss my mind the most!"

It's not a joke anymore, not even close because the one thing I always counted on the most has now been taken from me . . . Making matters worse, my therapist doesn't seem to be on the same page. I'm working on it . . . I think I'm the first women my therapist has had to deal with who has so many things to deal with and recover from and I'm not certain she has any background in PTSD, GAD, and Domestic Violence . . . She keeps trying to get me to "create" my future by "visualizing" every last detail. I start looking at details and start triggering, again and again and even with meds wind up in so much trouble and pain that I want to end it all. WIn/win talk and so much positive spin that I wind up with vertigo and want to throw up . . .

I really like my therapist, she's a great lady, but I'm growing concerned I'm going to need to get another who has more background. Answers, wow, I so could use some! Right now I'm holding on, praying and hoping that things are going to get better before I run out of energy. I really need my lawyer, who also doesn't seem to get this, doesn't know how to handle things and it is just making things worse.

I want a life back, and if I figure out how get there I promise I'll share. In the meantime I don't want to leave the house, talk to anyone, or do anything. I go back and forth to therapy, doctors appointments and get dragged out of the house by roommate periodically because I'm afraid of her too.

I had a career and used to make good money, travel and was in demand as a computer consultant. Yes girls know about computers too for all the good that does me now . . .

I keep telling myself I've been through worse, I can survive this, I HAVE TO survive this to really prove that my husband and in-laws are animals . . . I'm going to make this, I'm going to survive, I'm going to recover at least some of my goals . . . YOU CAN TOO!!!