Hey Lacer,
I can really relate to your post. I think the part of depression that is really hard for people to understand is when it isn't even so much a feeling of sadness. It's more like a feeling of, "whatever... what does it matter?" Please try not to be hard on yourself. Dealing with everyday stuff is hard and seems insurmountable with depression, that's why it is serious. I hope you will ask for help. It sounds like for whatever reason you can't mention it to your family... I hope you will find a therapist. This is someone who can be on your team, someone who's there to understand. Meds can also help, but if you aren't ready for them yet you might give St. John's wort a try? (Nature's Way makes a good one). Also, have you had a check-up lately? I'm always mentioning vit. D (ad nauseum). Low levels (which many people have) can make you feel extra tired and anxious.