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I wish you and your wife all the very best. I hope the med changes help. I’ve been dealing with depression since my early teens. I witnessed my mother deal with it her whole life. Even with this vast experience, it’s so draining! I KNOW being compliant with my doctor and my medication makes my life better. But somehow I still resist. It’s illogical I know.
I tell you this because I really understand your statement “It bothers me that she can be perfectly happy as long as she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t feel like…” A good 70% of my life has been spent holding it together by the thinnest, frayed thread. Just before the “catatonic” stage I appear fine to everyone except my husband (who has been on this ride with me for a very long time).
I am able to function, such as it is. But the smallest thing can tip the scales, an unwanted phone call, visitor, or towel on the bathroom floor for the millionth time. Since I’ve been dealing with this over 30 years, I know where I’m headed, and I try frantically to avoid that trigger that will spiral me out of control. Unfortunately I don’t know what the trigger will be. Sometimes it’s all I can do just to get out of bed. If I pull it together enough to work, the very thought of all of the tasks I “should” be doing is enough to overwhelm me.
I think it would be a good idea to discuss these issues with your wife’s doctor. She cannot get the help she really needs without full disclosure. She may not initially appreciate you being so forth coming with her doctor. I know I was quite embarrassed that I wasn’t able to fulfill all of my obligations as a wife and mother.
My husband is a very understanding person. He notices “clues” that I was headed into a bad place. For example, I normally change the sheets at least three times a week. It’s one of my ticks. I’ve been doing it my whole life. As the depression increases these things that are important to me fall to the way-side. He doesn’t enjoy helping me change the linens, and he’d be quite satisfied with doing it once a week. But over the years, he’s learned if I’m not changing the sheets, or the cupboards aren’t organized, I’m sliding down hill and we need to speak to the doctor.
We’re fortunate that we have an excellent old fashion doctor that actually knows us. So when my husband says “the towels in the linen closet aren’t tidy” he isn’t treated like some sort of an ogre (as he could care less how they’re folded or placed in there) but it’s taken as sign things are going bad.
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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