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Mar 22, 2010, 02:47 AM
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Member Since: Mar 2010
Location: Bethel,Ohio
Posts: 2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by starlite*111
Severe Bipolar plus.....
never ending list of diagnosis's - pooh
Before the holidays.
Financial situations due to the economy.
From deaths of siblings.
LOST relationship that had just been found from long ago.
Medication changes still don't work
Called Doctor to be treated less than
Exited house maybe twice in months.
My roommate is unemployed - doesn't mind running all over. Be better if they got a job.
Never leave my room.
Have plenty of Movies queued on Hulu and DVR t.v. recorder.
There is nothing inside me.
I am dead.
My cheeks to heavy to lift my lips into a smile.
It remains over - end, is dead.
No matter, praying, saying, chatting, talking, sharing, comparing -
Diminishing into nothing.
I am in the nothingness.
I am a vapor of smog.
Smothering from the fog.
So heavy it holds me to the bed.
No motivation to even eat.
I exercise in a zombie mind, until the timer goes off.
P.J.'s have become my wardrobe.
The phone rings - Though I answer - I don't remember it had even rang. Had conversations that later had to confirm were real.
Dreams are vivid to the point that I think I've already completed a task or finished a conversation.
Days go by - I knew not - Didn't matter - I've nothing pending.
My bipolar is almost usually on the HYPE side. Obviously not now.
This down side - could kill me. Breathe to exist. Exist - 'this too shall pass''
No pretty words, no up lifting thoughts, no gets better, hang in there.....
All of choice. Out of reach, far beyond the only passing that is fog.
The only choice I make is to not make.
Smog is my Halo.
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I hope you feel better very soon. It is hard to go threw depression.
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