Quote:
Originally Posted by peaches100
Maybe one mistake i'm making is in comparing my mom to myself. When i think of some of the things my parents did, i know i would never, EVER have responded the way they did. So it is just very hard for me to understand why they did certain things.
Like when i got SA by my neighbor, I would have confronted that man hands down, no doubt whatsoever. I would have called my daughter's friends' parents too, to let them know of the danger. I would have wanted to make sure my daughter wasn't emotionally/mentally harmed by what happened. I would never have just said "Well, don't go over there anymore" and then dropped the whole thing.
I just don't understand that. It's hard for me to believe that any parents who did that really loved their child. So when i think about it, it scares me that perhaps they didn't really love me.
But maybe I'm wrong.
|
Well it could be that they didn't love you THE WAY you needed to be loved. They loved you in their own way perhaps... but that maybe didn't quite cover it right for you.
Some people love in the way they know of love-- not in the way the child needs love. This can be confusing to the grown child that tries to understand the relationship of adult child/parent.
It can be confusing to compare ones probable actions to those of a parent from the past.
You didn't have their childhood and they didn't have yours. Different minds from different backgrounds.
I often wondered why my mother did nothing and told me to keep quiet about the neighbor boy that held me for hours with a gun to my back. I thought I'd be shot and never see my puppy again.... or play in the dirt again.... had nightmares afterwards(of which I was yelled at to go back to bed when I sought comfort at my parents bedside)... and yet mother said to just forget about it....
..... I felt unvalued...... scared... confused..... I wonder if that's what you felt? like you didn't matter as much as you hoped you would?
I think any parent that puts their feelings and experiences above what a child is needing is a bit on the narcissistic side (IMO).... maybe your mom isn't full blown but it seems she does have traits.... and like Dr. McBride says-- even those traits in a mother can leave some damage in a little girl.
fins