Six years is a very long time to share someone else. I can understand if you feel trapped since you have lived this lie for so long but I sense that you are beginning to break free from the lonliness you have accepted all these years and realize that you deserve to be #1 not the later. He has it made and shame on him for allowing this to continue. His character is weak, he'll never be able to give you the life you deserve. Don't dwell on the past, it's the future you should be living and you won't unless you end your fantasy of this somehow working out. Would you really want him now even if it were possible? Your relationship would be based on a whole different dynamic and the attraction and excitement of cat and mouse would be gone. Wave goodbye...now is the time. You can do this.