I think I am getting on my T's nerves.

Or maybe it is just in my head. I can't tell, and it's not clear cut, and I can't stand it. I sent her an email when I was in distress about how sad I was, and then I felt guilty for sending it because I know emails are her spending extra time. I had already sent another email complaining about a payment issue (she always waits forever to charge me, and I haven't been charged in a month, so I emailed asking when I was going to be charged, and whether there was some way to better predict when charges would happen), and then later that day I'm a sobbing mess and sending an email, "I've been sobbing all day, I'm losing my mind, and I wish I had a friend." Ughhhhh. How could I bother her with the payment question and THEN go to her in distress? I am feeling pretty ashamed of myself right now.

She emailed back and told me she was sorry I had a bad day and to take good care of myself, and then she apologized for the payment issue in another email..

I have this urge to be MORE annoying now. Like I am not sure I am annoying her, so now I want to do something to be SURE I am annoying her. But I DO NOT want to do this to my poor T who has been so good to me. I'm resisting this urge and I am NOT going to send her another email!! That would be just BAD BEHAVIOR and would NOT give me what I really want. But I am having a really hard time with the uncertainty. And I am really beating myself up right now. It would fix it if T would just get mad at me. Then I would know for sure what is going on. I am going crazy resisting this urge. It is getting pretty obsessive. I want so badly to push her away right now. I am so angry with myself.