When I feel like that, I usually let myself send an e-mail, or even call. It's so uncomfortable to sit in that place of obsessing. Of course, it's impossible to predict if it will just start a new obsession (is he mad that I e-mailed?) so it doesn't always help.

What I HAVE done, that has helped, is talked about this A LOT (I mean it - ALOT!) in therapy. I ask him anything I want to: "do you roll your eyes and sigh when you see my name in your e-mail box?" "does it make you mad when I leave messages"? etc. And I trust him to tell me the truth.

We've gone over it again and again and again, and I really get what's okay and what's not okay now.

Can you spend some time talking to T to see what is and isn't okay?

I remember I used to tell T that I had an equal urge to grab him and not let go and to push him away and run. Ugh, such a hard place to be.

to you.