Thank you both so much - it means a lot. I had a more normal sleep last night and will see how it goes. Haven't contacted my pdoc yet but I'm not feeling so worried this morning.

Today has been frustrating and hard really, but nothing to do with depression this time - my eldest has pulled a muscle in her neck and is not coping with it at all well - I know it's painful but it's now lunchtime and she has just about made it out of bed. My OH has come home to work from home and to give me some moral support as I am now cast in the "wicked parent" role because there is nothing more we can do to help other than what we have done - ibuprofen and heat and trying to encourage her to move. I almost burst into tears at the pharmacy because I didn't really understand what he was saying. My youngest is also upset as we had to cancel the plans we'd made for today (they're off school on holiday just now).

WW, I hope that your return to study works out for you. It definitely seems to fall into the camp of something you'd regret more not trying, than trying and it not working out as you hope. I was in a similar situation this time last year - we had to decide whether to take the chance offered to us of moving from the UK to the US. It was pretty scary and has not been without its challenges, of course (understatement!), but I knew even when it was first suggested - which was when I was in hospital with depression - that it would be better for me to try and fail, than not to try at all (also as at the time I was suicidal, I figured it didn't really matter - didn't say that to anyone in real life though).

TPND, I think you are right, there is a fear of losing the depression - which is not something I can really discuss with many people who haven't experienced depression as it sounds so wrong - and that is possibly tied in with our big move. Initially I was worried what I would do - kids have school, OH has work, but there's nothing obvious for me. So now I think I have recovered from the effects of the move, and am on the right path for recovering from depression - and of course there is a bit of a hole. I have made a few good friends here, and I am hoping to retrain at some point, but I suppose there is still a way to go before I feel more stable. Your idea of rewarding yourself at each stage is a good one - what sort of things do you do?

Hope you have both had a good day today. Thanks again .